Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Parental Advisory - Explicit Blogging

The stress of the season is finally getting to me.

I’ve given up on waiting to post till I have my camera to upload some pictures. I keep forgetting the damn thing at home.

I was informed this afternoon that the possibility of my becoming a part-time employee is: none. To be honest, I knew that would be the answer, but I was so hoping that I was wrong in my hunch. That was stupid of me, I’m always right. Back to the issue at hand: I can kiss being home with my kids a little more goodbye. Even though the hubby was recently given a raise, he will never be comfortable with living without my income. I’m pretty sure the thought of knowing how much we could have if I continued working would drive him mad if I ever quit my job. I can see it now, him sitting on the couch in his hoodie and basketball shorts staring at our bank account saying, “If you would have kept your job then our savings would be more than doubled by now!”

In the midst of xmas craftiness last night, I ran out of thread. On my lunch hour I hopped on over to Joann’s to pick up three more spools. 1 left. What the hell?!

My tights are cheap ass pieces of shit that have decided to stop clinging to my body and instead just hang there limply, making me look like a 70 year old women with saggy knees and ankles who dresses like she’s 20.

Speaking of which, ever since I turned 25 I feel as if I can no longer wear some of the clothes I own. I get this awkward feeling like people are watching me and saying to themselves, “Wow, she looks WAY too old to be wearing a short Volcom skirt with leggings. Is she stuck in her high school years or what?” And maybe the post-pregnancy body has something to do with that too. I still have another good 2 inches till I can fit in my pre-prego jeans. There’s nothing more depressing than thinking, “Yay! I feel skinnier today,” and then you can’t get your button hole to play nice with the button. And those 6 Mexican Wedding Cookies you ate in the place of breakfast the day before are now laughing in your face.

Insurance only covered half of my prescription eyeglasses because Lenscrafters happens to be “out of network”, although when asked if they accepted my insurance I was told yes.

I have to return a jacket due to who-knows-what.

My husband would rather eat Dream Dinners than my boring cooking.

I cannot keep my son from getting sick for the life of me.

George Clooney has yet to ask me to marry him.

My brand new dishwasher is being a fart.

The tree is drying out and not hiding it well.

I still can’t hold my bladder when doing jumping jacks.

And I still have to clean the bathrooms, do a million loads of laundry, wrap a few presents, post my old appliances on Craig’s List, post a picture of our beautiful xmas tree, update my Facebook status, eat an apple to keep the doctor away, and take my weekly shower.

And Happy Holidays to YOU!

1 comment:

The Prettiest Mess You've Ever Seen said...

Don't we all wish we could be stay at home mamas. I am sorry it didn't work out for you. I hope broden starts feeling better and you guys have a merry christams!